I’m sure you’ve come to find out that Russian is a hard language. It is no secret among the Carleton students. For example, did you know that there are about a hundred and fifty thousand ways to say you are going somewhere? Okay, maybe that’s an exaggeration, but, here, let me lay it out for you.

You can say: Ya hodila v kinoteatr–I went by foot to the movie theater.

Or, if you want to say you went to the movies in a car: Ya ezdila v kinoteatr–I went by car to the movie theater.

But wait! These words imply multi-direction, meaning that I went there and back. What if we want to say that I am going there in one direction, in the continuous tense?

Then you say: Ya idoo v kinoteatr–I am going by foot to the movie theater.

Or: Ya edoo v kinoteatr–I am going by car to the movie theater.

Did you think that was the end of it? Because there are also prefixes you attach to verbs of motion to change the meaning.

If you want to say you entered a theater by foot, you say: Ya voshol v kinoteatr–I am entering the theater by foot.

Or if you want to express that you are arriving at the theater, but not entering it, you say: Ya prikhazhoo v kinoteatr.

You can also say you are going around the theater (obkhozhy), approaching the theater (podkhozhy), going up to the theater (dokhozhy), passing the theater (prokhozhy), or perhaps just dropping by the theater (zakhozhy). And don’t forget about other modes of transportation. These rules apply to flying, swimming, running, crawling, climbing, carrying something. There’s even a word for carrying something heavy. And that’s just the present tense.

Oy. It’s things like these that get me all mixed up when I’m trying to say I took the metro to Red Square last Monday.

I also get my words mixed up. My most recent blunder was when I asked someone if it was rude to decline food at the dinner table (a problem very likely in Russia, as most hosts love to feed their guests). She gave me a blank look when I asked her. I repeated my question and, when I saw that Tell-Tale Squint, I gave up and explained in English. She immediately started laughing. I suddenly realized my mistake. The word for ‘rude’ is groobiy. I had been saying gribiy the whole time, meaning I had asked her if we were being mushrooms at the dinner table.

Once again: oy.

Captain Picard is very disappointed.